Archive | life update RSS feed for this section

I went for interview Today!

18 Feb

I got called for interview today, oh gosh. I think the interview went well, I genuinely believe I would be good at the job. But hey I’m not the one doing the hireling so who knows. I absolutely comfort ate (non sugar) before the interview, feeling pretty guilty and fat now, not going to over stress about it . What’s the point? An interesting thing happened tonight though no craving after dinner, like at all.

20130218-221620.jpg

Here’s a pic of my interview get up. 🙂

Advertisements

Dream job slips through my fingers

8 Feb

Cardiff was great but they day before we left, I got called for interview. I got an interview for the absolute dream job. Ten minutes drive from my house, work I have experience in and would enjoy, full time and permanent. They were holding interviews over the only two days I’m not in the country. What?! Noooo.

So I’m missed out and now I’m a touch depressed. :(…. And that means binge territory. I’m truly an emotional eater, I never really understood this before.

Until about Christmas time I never really thought about my eating habits, now I know I’m an emotional mess.

Feel a bit crappy now, I want to be healthy and happy but my eating habits are turning me into a total wreck.

Blehhh….

20130208-220300.jpg

Arriving at work only to be sent home.

5 Feb

It snowed last night, yay, if you live in any country, but Ireland. We’re never prepared for anything here, roads not gritted, motorways full of cars going 50km per hour and city roads completely clogged. I guess the country motto “ah sure it’ll be grand” it extremely fitting. I must say I’m a bit of a hypocrite, last night in my home from work I put on my windscreen washers and they were out of sudsy H2O. What did I do? Fill them immediately? No, I uttered the aforementioned phrase to myself and carried on, needless to say, my windscreen was a total wreck on my way to work this morning. I had to pull over on the country’s busiest road ( okay its only a four lane-er, we’ve got small roads here) to fill up with a handy, half empty, sports bottle of water. Not safe, not warm and so so silly.

It took over an hour to get to work on fairly treacherous roads, only to find three pharmacists already on duty. 😦 I was sent home. Which is good in a way, but I don’t have a lot of work currently so each day helps.

Any who I made the most of it, I went to the gym for a nice light workout, I got my hair did and I donated blood. Yay me! Such a lovely day.

20130205-155039.jpg

That’s my new hair, I got a four inch chop! Then I had my packed lunch at home and it was yummy salad with a lovely big dollop of pesto!

20130205-155208.jpg

I’m off to Wales tomorrow for two nights can’t wait!

Spa breaks and sports bras

28 Jan

Wow, I had such a lovely break with the girlies! It was truly amazing. The hotel was disappointing, the staff were not trained the best and overall the hotel was a bit cold and lacking. Having said that that spending time with the girls was fantastic.

20130128-173314.jpg

The spa was beautiful, hot tub, massage showers, aromatherapy waterfall, sauna steam room….. Aaaaah so relaxing.

Food wise I did indulge in some calorie laden food but feel good about it. I really enjoyed my weekend. We went for a bit of a shop, this morning, I bought an exercise top and a sports bra. 10km training here I come.

Getting easier!

25 Jan

I’m doing so much better today and yesterday. I have stopped eating fruit and it has helped my sugar cravings no end.

I went to view a gym with the intention of joining in February and I’m for sure going to sign up. I can not wait. This morning I got up made a protein shake, drank coffee and a litre of warm water. Then I headed out to the gym. I did a 3 minute run, 2 minute walk, warm up. Then jogged for 25 full minutes straight , and ten minute inclined walk. In total I did 6km in 40 mins, followed by some strength training. Absolutely loved it.

20130125-200512.jpg

Terrified of weighing myself

20 Jan

I’m a binge eater and I’m terrified of weighing myself. There I said it, the truths out there and can not be unsaid.

Why do I binge eat?
I cannot easily answer that question, but a few things I have noticed are:

1. When I’m eating it feels great, a release, total relaxation, immediately after I feel guilty, fat, horrible, a failure and utterly worthless- the negative feelings are MUCH stronger than the positive ones.

2. I binge on carbs- ooh bread, cereal, biscuits, chocolate and toast with jam. I think this is fairly normal though. It seems as though these are the most common binge foods. They are the most easily broken down by the body, they cause a rush of dopamine and serotonin (the happy, feel good hormones). It is this rush that causes the addiction, the feeling good and the crash, awful feelings afterward!

3. Sugar makes the binges more intense, more frequent and just worse in general. Since I have begun restricting sugar intake the binges are less frequent and easier to over come though they are still present. This blog has sincerely helped also.

4. I binge eat when I’m feeling hungry or down about almost anything. If I’m hungry and I eat something I shouldn’t have e.g. Chips I think “oh well might as well just eat everything in the house now”. I crave a binge when I don’t feel good about something in my life. If work is stressful, if I make an error at work or have a patient complaint I just feel awful. I tell myself I’m not cut out for it or good enough. Then I think if I can’t do “x” I can’t keep my diet, so why bother, if fat and useless and don’t deserve to feel good about myself. If I meet friends and they look good i feel terrible about myself and I have very attractive friends. If I look at a look at photos of people I know or celebrities that look thin and gorgeous I feel bad and crave a binge. I can see now as I read this that, this cycle is nonsense. I am good at my job, I’m attractive, slim and I can do anything I set my mind to. I deserve to be happy and feel good about myself.

5. Ending the cycle takes time. Before Christmas I was binging three or four times per week- since starting this blog I have binged three times. Three times in almost a month. That is great progress, for me. Lent starts in February and its quite a big thing here-though most people don’t believe in god or go to church a lot of people renew New Years resolutions for lent. I know I will have support with my goals for those six weeks because lots of us will be in it together. My goal is to be binge free totally by then, that way I can focus on eating a healthy diet and sticking to an exercise plan.

Getting back to being terrified of weighing myself, I just can’t face it. I hate even the thought of weighing myself. I hate it for the reasons outlined in point 4. This has gone beyond a joke. I’m a grown up afraid of a scale, seriously. I could weigh anything with a ten pound leeway, that’s bad I’m in denial at the minute- no I haven’t gained weight/ I don’t look like I gained weight/ my clothes still fit. I have to be honest and have accountability. My plan- shower and change in the mornings in the bathroom with the scales, not in my en-suite. I’m sure the bf will be happy, I’m not waking him at the crack of dawn, every morning. I am also going to join a nearby gym in February once I get paid. It’s cheap enough €200 euros per year- I just hope I can use all gyms in the chain, one gym near work and another near home.

My gosh this is a long post but to be honest, I need the therapy!

This is out!!

20130120-143813.jpg

This is in !!!

20130120-143918.jpg

Freezing Friday and Saturday

19 Jan

My goodness it’s cold here. Brrrrrzzz. I’m made these cookies from sugar-free mom I don’t think I put enough sweetener in them but I put a raspberry on top! Yum.

http://www.sugarfreemom.com/recipes/whole-wheat-refined-sugar-free-sugar-cookies/

I tried to put it in as a link, all fancy like but couldn’t. Har! When I was on her website I remembered that, I also made the apple whole meal muffins for breakfast for work a while back and they were great. Might make those again.

I also did a couple of workouts from YouTube on of which was this. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PWEdJRRndkQ

It was actually very very good.

Next week for my lunches I’m going to bring a cauliflower and veg curry I think. I reckon I’ll need something hot, spicy and comforting, given that snow is forecast.

I’ve got my electric blanket on and ready for a real snuggle up. Night! X

Day 6 keep on going

11 Jan

Oh gosh that cold took it out of me! I know I haven’t been posting at all, after a long day in work i couldn’t bring myself to do anything, even post. What I can say is I am still not taking sugar. My boyfriend cooked a lovey dinner for me on Wednesday and I can be quite sure it contained refined sugar. I couldn’t turn my nose up at the meal given that he had put in a nice effort and was doing something nice. So I ate the meal having as small a volume of sauce as possible with plenty of vegetables and some brown rice .

Besides that I have not knowingly eaten any refined sugar and I have not binged. Success. That said I have been eating crap and too much of it. I think this is mostly because I was sick and miserable.

Yesterday I drove to my parents house to spend the weekend and I’m back on track today. Feeling great! Went for a beautiful hilly 5km walk this morning .

Breakfast was brown bread and Vegemite, lunch was a delicious salad with ham, dinner will be a stuffed peppers! Yum

I spent a few hours updating my cv and applying for jobs- which is so exciting! I honestly enjoy my job but right now there isn’t too much available so I’ve been sticking my neck out and actively looking for work

My beautiful view.

20130111-160913.jpg

Day three: feeling awful

8 Jan

Its day three on the no sugar regime and I’m feeling really good about my progress. There has been biscuits, cake, chocolate and muffins at work, Somehow I have said no to everything. That’s unbelievable for me! I’m absolutely delighted.

Unfortunately I feel sick. I’ve got chills aches and pains, I feel like I’m getting a cold. its awful I’m also lethargic, tired and freezing all the time. I’ve read on some blogs that this could be due to not eating sugar. I really wasn’t expecting these symptoms at all because I’ve been eating dairy and natural sugars. Having said that almost everybody I’ve come into contact with in the last few days has got a cold of some sort So it could be just a simple infection.

Either way I’ve been doing great. I started thinking that maybe I’ll allow one sugary treat a fortnight but I don’t know if that plan would backfire on me and I’d wind up completely fallen off the wagon . At the same time I think a little bit of flexibility will help me to continue with the regime in the Long-term.

Once the no sugar becomes comfortable for me I think I’m going to Start cutting out more processed foods from my diet and replace them with healthy home-made alternatives. This is all very much in the future, I’m still finding stopping sugar very difficult!!!!

All I can do is keep on trying!

Where did it all begin

6 Jan

First off last night I was seriously on the verge of an out and out binge, I just about managed to stop myself. I’m delighted, I distracted myself and the urge passed quickly and easily. Got up and weighed my self this morning, in an attempt to make the numbers on the scale a normal part of my routine. The number showed 8st 9.5. I had got myself to a point whereby, I would almost always binge on the day I weighted my self either because the number was high, I was fat anyway so what’s the point or because the number was low, I was thin and could afford the extra food. That’s not normal nor is it okay. The more often I weigh myself the easier it will be to resist a binge.

We were always a “healthy” house, treats were usually once a day after dinner. TakeAways were a rarity and food was home made. I was always an active child and teen, between swimming, football and hockey, there wasn’t much room for being sedentary. My mum was always aware of calories and exercise, she retained her college weight all her life and is now in her 50’s and still wears a UK size 10 (US size 6).

At the age of 16 we moved house and I moved school. My best friend and I became closer than ever. After a summer if over eating she embarked on a diet and lost 2 st. In our new school we both started counting calories and trying to eat healthy food. At about 9 st and 5ft 8 ” I was slim, healthy and didn’t really want to lose weight but enjoyed counting calories, etc.

I began kickboxing and about a year later I was signed up for a tournament. That is the first time started trying to lose weight. I wanted to be sure I was in the light weight category. At around this time I began binging too, when I was alone in the house I would eat small amounts of everything to stop it from being noticed. Binging was about twice a month at this stage. I became depressed in my new school, I was lonely and missed my old friends and my old life. It was a truly awful time. I became withdrawn, moody and a plain nightmare teen. It was a time I wouldn’t repeat for all the money in the world.

Then I began college. I got into an excellent course, though I would soon find out that it was incredibly difficult, with a huge amount of pressure. From the get go I didn’t feel good enough, clever enough or as able as the rest of my class. I continued to be withdrawn, shy and very unsocial. I made two good friends in college but was completely terrified of the rest of the class. In my first year, I threw all caring about weight, calories, exercise and my body out the window. I ate what I liked, when I liked and I began partying. I hated my course and myself in equal measure. I gained a stone at least. I felt huge and depressed but didn’t care too much. Over the summer I got a job in my degree area and loved it. I decided to continue with my studies and have never been so happy with a decision.

Around Christmas of second year in college I became I’ll, I got the flu quite badly. I completely lost my appetite and lost about half a stone. This sparked a change in my behaviour I started caring again. I began losing weight slowly. No one really noticed my weightloss because it was so slow.

I can not remember when I started binging again all I know is that in the end I went from 10st to 8 st 10 to 8st 7 at my lowest, but the binging became worse and worse my weight fluctuated and I felt horrible. At my worst I was binging twice a week with about 2-3 thousand calories per binge. Each time I promised it would be my last, each binge becoming worse then the one before. I felt complete out of control. My weight started creeping up again, I was desperate to avoid gaining up to where I was when I started college. The prospect still terrifies me!

Now I am 24, fully qualified in a job I love, I have a wonderful partner that I will most likely spend the rest of my life with, there are no more excuses, nothing to hold me back.

I have just begun trying really trying to stop binging. It is very upsetting and has started to cause problems in my relationship, mostly due to my major mood swings, before and after a binge. I know sugar is the culprit, avoid it and avoid binging. I don’t feel strong enough to quit sugar but it is necessary, in order to regain control over what I’m eating but more importantly in order to regain some confidence and self worth.

Clean Eating Veggie Girl

Cooking, Dining, and Living Life as a Vegetarian Girl

Better With Sprinkles

The Colourful Side to Healthy Living.

The 185 Weigh

Forging a new path of health and nutrition

Note from a Housewife

Food, Beauty and Luxury

southbeached

My personal revolution via the South Beach Diet

The Memoirs of a Yo-Yo Dieter

From Size 22 to 2 and back again! Oops.

sara sweetless

my journey into healthy living

Miss Kristen Renee

Treating life like the adventure it is!

Real Food Bryn

Epipen-Wielding Real Food Eating

the roving dilettante

liv·ing: adj. flowing freely, as water.

Hollis Plample

draws comics

Radiance Project NZ

beauty through balance & nature

toemail

Pictures of toes, pictures of feet, making the world a better place, one foot at a time.

Lisa goes Vegan

Vegan recipes, hotspots & more

I'm Not Hungry, I'm Addicted.

Overcoming My Sweet Addiction.

Confessions of a gym bunny

Salilla, jäällä, pururadalla, permannolla ja mitä nyt tuleekaan keksittyä.

voxifit

The Voice of Fitness Blog